Forecast for the Filthy Rich

May 2007

Bentley (April 21 – May 21): Bentleys take centerstage this month as the Sun parades through their astrological domain. Expansion of your holdings, possibly through globalization or an economic comeback, is just below the radar, so be ready to pounce. This month pamper yourself daily at your favorite day spa and, if you haven’t already, start dropping birthday hints. Big ones. Afterall, it only comes once a year, so get everything out of it you can. Make reservations early and have them send a menu so you have plenty of time to choose your indulgences, including a special order bottle of your favorite vintage reserve.

Ferrari (May 22 – June 21): Your charm is blooming like Bayou Bend azaleas until the 8th so exploit it for all its worth. Promote yourself with ease between the 11th and 29th when you’ll be even quicker and more chatty than usual. Others can’t say “No” if they can’t get a word in edgewise, kapeche? Your competitive edge is high, so spend plenty of time at the racket club. Island time to ponder your relationships, both personal and business, is also advisable. Something is afoot in that department, anything from hidden treasure to a hostile takeover. Don’t jump into anything until after the 31st to see if that Blue Moon (i.e. the 2nd Full Moon within the calendar month) brings something to light.

Lexus (June 22 – July 22): Your personal appeal will be especially strong after the 8th so wait until then to ask for any favors. That, coupled with a few well-directed guilt trips, should get you what you want, now that those delays should start to lighten up. Put on your best smile and prepare to strike. Volunteer work could escalate due to something going on behind the scenes. A random flare-up could ding your reputation, but don’t worry, it should burn out just as quickly. Check prospectuses carefully for any new investments and keep your expectations realistic.

Rolls Royce (July 23 – August 23): Delays in pursuing some personal interests have moved aside at last, though you may have some unrealistic expectations of your partner. Keep your ego in line and ditch the haute taute attitude or progress will come to a screeching halt. Exciting enterprises are just below the horizon so quit admiring yourself in the mirror long enough to pay close attention. For lady Rolls, play your cards right and your keen sense of style will make you queen of the social scene. Break out those $450 stiletto heels you bought at Jimmy Choo’s last week and smile pretty. You never know whom you might meet.

Lamborghini (August 24 – September 22): You’re probably thinking about increasing your living space in some way, either by building an entirely new house or a major remodel, possibly prompted by embarrassing problems with your current one that you don’t want to talk about. Whichever the case, scrutinize any plans in your usual picky way to avoid problems later. Lighten up a bit by socializing, which could yield helpful connections. After the 16th watch your investors for an aggressive move that could require a quick reaction on your part.

BMW (September 23 – October 23): Grandiose ideas sparkle like sunlight on Galveston Bay as your natural love for beauty rides a wave of inspiration. Don’t be an airhead this time and pay attention, taking notes as necessary so they don’t go flat like last night’s champagne. Be prepared to mediate possible upsets related to community service or volunteer work. Also note that relationship conflicts are possible after the 16th. Knowing how much you abhor disagreements, maybe now’s a good time for that trip abroad. Your social life has been a bit drab lately, anyway, and Club Med’s Vittel Ermitage is truly beautiful this time of year.

Maybach (October 24 – November 22): More than likely you’ve been scheming more than usual lately, pursuing your next acquisition through a covert power play of some sort; business as usual for you Maybachs. Don’t obsess too much, however, or you might miss what’s happening on the homefront, where things may not be as peaceful as they seem. Expect some positive changes or surprises in your creative endeavors or maybe your lovelife. In case of the latter, it’s a good time to put together a prenuptial agreement or other legal documentation. There may be some obstacles relative to scaling the social ladder, but your natural mystique will ultimately prevail.

Masserati (November 23 – December 21): There’s a lot brewing these days in your superior mind relative to expanding your personal interests. Your thoughts may even be on the inspired side, so crank up the mental hertz and pay attention. There’s plenty of creative action out there that could morph into your next pursuit. A disruption or annoyance of some sort is possible at home, but the climate is favorable for working it out. It’s a good time for courting investors, but don’t talk over their heads and keep your expectations flexible. It’s also a positive time for legal work, including closing out any contracts that have been hanging out there for a while.

Mercedes Benz (December 22 – January 20): Your practical nature has probably been straining lately as you’ve salivated over luxuries that never mattered before. In addition, those rumblings to expand your interests and influence are high enough on the Richter scale to gain notice at the USGS. You’ll need more investors, which may be like finding a lost diamond at a lawn party, but with the recent upturn in your creativity it’s still a potential big win. You may encounter some hassles at home, like the air conditioner going out in the middle of a gala evening designed to woo those new investors, but relationships generally should be proceeding well.

Jaguar (January 21 – February 18): Your thirst for innovation in everything, from your PC to your home theatre system, is strong lately and likely to create a crater or two in your bank account. Your thoughts are poised like missiles ready for launch, so direct them toward constructive areas, such as new endeavors. Your relationships, both business and personal, may be a bit strained, particularly if you block out others’ viewpoints. Be alert on the social scene for opportunities to expand your interests, possibly in a clever or secretive way.

Porsche (February 19 – March 20): Changes of a personal nature have been slapping you around for quite a while. The first half of this month may be the time to get even as you’re likely to be uncharacteristically aggressive. In addition, your thoughts should be clearer than usual, helping you make a few important decisions in an atypically rational way. As a break from all this real-life business that I know you hate, immerse yourself in creativity, or better yet, your lovelife. There’s a distinct long-term possibility for elevating your status through a profound personal change of some sort. Since a brain transplant is out of the question, maybe it’s time to get back into yoga or Pilates.

Hummer (March 21 – April 20): Warn your friends to lay low around the middle of the month when Mars jump-starts your natural aggression. It will undoubtedly feel good to you, but remember that collateral damage is a nuisance to clean up. Things at home should run fairly smoothly, possibly because everyone is simply staying out of your way. Your lovelife, if you have one, may be a bit on the cool side, however, if you spend too much time admiring your gun collection. Be aware that something is cruising beneath the radar, possibly legal action or foreign interests that could require a trip abroad. Your instincts are strong and usually sound, but don’t forget that Hummers are often their own worst enemy.