Lonestars (a.k.a. Aquarius, January 21 – February 18):  Y'all are likely to be the center of things this month, even if you're not a rodeo star.  You'll be as popular as a doe during rut and, no matter what you say, folks are likely to laugh and put a good twist on it, even if you're acting like a total asshole.  Try not to yell at the young'uns too much, but spin all that energy toward a romp in the park.  Lay low from bill collectors if you can, better yet get them money problems sorted out or y'all might be living on wheels again, or worse.

Hurricanes (a.k.a. Pisces, February 19 – March 20):  Tanglin' with the folks at home is likely these days with relationships way too complicated to suit your sensitive nature.  Just remember when you point your finger that three of them are pointing back at you; you're more of a piece o' work yourself than you may realize.  Nonetheless, this is a good month for your charm, especially in groups as opposed to one-on-ones, so get out to the rodeo or some other event that gives you a break and some inspiration to put the rest in perspective.

Longhorns (a.k.a. Aries, March 21 – April 20):  Be prepared for a fight or two this month as your mouth is liking to be spewing all sorts of challenges of one type or another.  Work is probably a total drag and some big-time changes are comin' sure as God made little green apples.  If you have a career change in work, now is a good time to do a bit o' pushin' in that direction by callin' in favors or whatever it takes.  Since being an asshole is part of your natural charm, even if you're in your full glory, you're likely to be popular in places like the rodeo or ice house, so exploit it for all it's worth.

Tony Lamas (a.k.a. Taurus, April 21 – May 21):  Take extra good care of your stuff this month, including keepin' a good eye out drivin' as you may feel as if you've got a frikkin' target painted on your pickup this month.  Children or the opposite sex are likely to be a major pain in the ass this month and buying back your introduction from them all will cross your mind more than once.  It's a good time for a trip to the other side of the state, or at least the county, so give it some thought.  It may be the time to think about doin' something else for a livin', too, so while you're driving, think about that, too.  If there's someone you've been wantin' to sue, it's good for that, as well.  Go for it, Bubba!

Dust Devils (a.k.a. Gemini, May 22 – June 21):  You're likely to be full o' hell and wanting people to just get the hell out of your way this month.  Things at home are probably a drag, and the bad news is that's gonna go on for a while, so brace yourself.  If you've ever mucked up anything financially and didn't take care of it yet, you're probably goin' to be payin' the piper in the coming future, but this month might bring some luck, so go ahead and buy a lotto ticket or two.  It's a good time to think 'bout goin' back to school, even if that means finishin' the 4th grade. 

Verandas (a.k.a. Cancer, June 22 – July 22):  Your thoughts are likely to get more serious over the next few years as you realize you can be more responsible.  This is a good thing as this is the kind of thoughts that can get you into a house that doesn't have wheels holdin' it up.  You should be gettin' along real good with your honey this month, especially if you do somethin' really special for Valentine's Day.  A little effort on your part will go a long way, so don't miss out.

Tycoons (a.k.a. Leo, July 23 – August 23): It's time to start gettin' your finances in order if they've been pretty honked up in the past.  Start with balancing your checkbook and then take it from there.  If you've been lookin' for a job, this is probably a good time to find one so turn off the TV and hit the streets.  A good place to start might be with folks you already know, so talk to your good friends and kin to find out what's out there that you can do.  Watch your mouth in public as you may tend to be a bit too loud or say somethin' stupid that could bite you later.

Cowpokes (a.k.a. Virgo, August 24 – September 22):  It's a good month for your love life, so quit griping and do something special for your honey for Valentine's Day.  If you've been trying to invent somethin', you're likely to get some good ideas for it so that it might actually work when you're done.  A good place to start would be to figure out why it don't work now.  Watch who you mouth off to, especially on the job.  Use the energy to work extra hard and show 'em what a good worker y'all are.

Tumbleweeds (a.k.a. Libra, September 23 – October 23):  It's a good time to do some work around the house, such as screen in the porch, cover the patio, build a BBQ pit or whatever suits your fancy.  You're likely to have lots of good ideas to work with.  This should extend to your kids and lovelife, if you have one, as well, so make it an extra special Valentine's Day for your sweetie and it's likely to pay off in spades.  If you're planning a trip, especially a long one, you'd do well if you put it off until next month sometime.

Oil Wells (a.k.a. Scorpio, October 24 – November 22):  You're likely to have some nice, big popular ideas this month, that might even make you some money if you play your cards right.  Fixin' up the ol' homestead probably has a lot of appeal, so if you get your tax return back, spending it at Home Depot or Lowes is probably a good investment.  Be careful with power tools or construction projects, however, and it's probably not a real good time to borrow money, so if you can't pay cash, bag it for now.

Stetsons (a.k.a. Sagittarius, November 23 – December 21):  Unlike a lot of folks our there, your money situation looks pretty good this month.  You'll be more inclined than usual to indulge yourself, too.  Just make sure you don't eat too much and add to that holiday weight you still haven't gotten around to losin'.  Brainstormin' about just about anything is lookin' good, though it looks like a fight or two is likely with someone (or two) close to you.  Work probably sucks, so relaxin' is a good idea, just make sure whatever you decide to do for fun isn't fattening or dangerous.

Dualies (a.k.a. Capricorn, December 22 – January 20): People will like you this month and you probably won't have a clue why.  You're usually a pay-with-cash type person, but this month you might have a creative idea or two about managing your money.  Use your usual common sense to make sure it's a good idea before doin' anything you'll regret later.  Work is probably still a pain in the ass, and if there's something you need to get taken care of legally, now is a good time to start thinking about it.

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