Texas Astrological Forecast

July 2007

Verandas (a.k.a. Cancer, June 22 – July 22): Y'all are likely to be downright popular this month, what with your birthday and all. Take advantage of it and see how many free beers you can get. Watch it, though, because fights are likely at the ice house. Be sure to visit the gun shows, but don't buy anything until after July 10th or it might turn out to be a regular POS, which ain't good.

Tycoons (a.k.a. Leo, July 23 – August 23): You already know y'all are royalty, but this month others might almost believe it though more than likely someone will be out to dethrown you. Watch your back and don't do anything stupid that could harm your good name. If you play your cards right, you can probably rack up a favor or two, but gambling probably ain't a good idea right now, so hang onto your wallet.

Cowpokes (a.k.a. Virgo, August 24 – September 22): Your phone is likely to be a ringin' more than usual and you might find yourself a few new buddies. If you hafta go to court or on a long trip, look out, cuz someone will be out for your ass, so be careful. Those of y'all born right around September 12 can expect a surprise, either from someone you know a lot or maybe you'll meet some new hotie. Be sure to wear deodorant and shave. This goes for both the guys and the gals.

Tumbleweeds (a.k.a. Libra, September 23 – October 23): If you owe anyone some cash, lay low this month. Don't answer the door or phone or you're likely to get busted. You're likely to be popular with your buddies, however, but they might expect you to pick up the tab. Whatever it is you're known for is likely to draw attention, so if you're lookin' for work, dust off the toolbox.

Oil Wells (a.k.a. Scorpio, October 24 – November 22): You love them secrets and shady deals, but lately you've been wonderin' a bit about all that. Don't worry, it'll go away next month. You may have noticed that lotto tickets haven't been a good bet afterall and the bills are due. More than likely the ol' lady or ol' man is givin' ya some crap about it, too. A really good idea that you'll be damn sure'll make you rich is likely. Don't count on it.

Stetsons (a.k.a. Sagittarius, November 23 – December 21): You're one of those people that just can't get away with nothin', or at least it's seemed like that since somewhere's around 1995. No, it ain't in your head, it's Pluto on your ass. Hassles at work are likely, even more than usual. If you owe anyone money, they're likely to want it. It's probably a good time to relax in the Hill Country.

Dualies (a.k.a. Capricorn, December 22 – January 20): Kids or lovers are likely to be a pain in the ass this month. They're gonna wanna talk 'bout somethin' and you're probably not interested. Your best bet is to just say no and spend a lot of time in your workshop or watching the shopping channel, unless you can just get them in the bedroom and distract 'em in some way.

Lonestars (a.k.a. Aquarius, January 21 – February 18): Some kind of crap is likely on the home front. Stuff may break or the fam may be all riled up 'bout somethin'. Don't worry, it'll calm down in August. Work is likely to be busy; a new job is possible after July 14th. If you're not married, look out, someone may have that in mind, even if you don't, but it'll be easy for the guilt you into it.

Hurricanes (a.k.a. Pisces, February 19 – March 20): You're likely to be thinkin' more than drinkin' these days, which could be good for gettin' along better with your lover. If you don't have one, staying sober may help you find one, though efforts before July 10th could be a trainwreck. You'll be popular at work and working hard. Keep it up, a bonus is possible in August.

Longhorns (a.k.a. Aries, March 21 – April 20): All them bruises from the fights y'all got into in June are probably startin' to heal, eh? Keep an eye on your stuff, especially around the end of the month. Take good care of your truck and your guns, but I shouldn't need to tell y'all that. If you're lookin', times are good for findin' yourself a new honey or for reclaiming an old one.

Tony Lamas (a.k.a. Taurus, April 21 – May 21): You’re hot to trot this month, but be careful who you piss off or it might bite or kick you in the ass. Coming up with some bright idea is possible that could make you real popular at home. Play your cards right and it might even make some money, which I know is one of your favorite things. Put down that beer and get out of that rockin' chair to g'it 'r' dun.

Dust Devils (a.k.a. Gemini, May 22 – June 21): You may be tempted to buy somethin' but you need to wait 'til after July 10 or it's likely to be a POS, at least if it's got moving parts or plugs in. Trust me on that one. If you're a rancher or rodeo rider or any description, be careful this month. Them critters are likely to be more ornery than usual. Trust me on that one, too.