Oil Wells (a.k.a. Scorpio, October 24 – November 22): It's a really super month for a poker party with the boys.  The weather is good and there won't be as many distractions from the bug zapper, if you set up on the deck.  Keep 'em out of the house, if you can, otherwise something may turn up missing.  It's a good time to take care of that speeding ticket, so get to it before it bites you in the butt.  Your honey is likely to be a real pain, especially during Thanksgiving week, so stock up on lots of beer and invite enough people over you don't need to do much talkin'.

Stetsons (a.k.a. Sagittarius, November 23 – December 21): Daydreams and wild-ass ideas will be coming at you like bucks on does.  If a good one comes along, talk it up good, even with strangers, and you might find someone with the cash you need to make it work.  If you have any dirt in your past (and who doesn't these days?) be prepared for someone, probably an old lover, to throw some your way.  Duck for cover and run fast the other way, unless you're really into recreational fighting.  That hottie you met down at the ice house the other night might be tempting, but probably not the worth risk.

Dualies (a.k.a. Capricorn, December 22 – January 20): You're likely to do a lot of daydreaming your next trip to Walmart, especially in the electronics or sporting goods departments.  Just remember that the novelty wears off a lot faster than the outstanding balance, whatever it might be that's there calling your name.  Better to get together with some friends for a few beers or to plan that next hunting trip in East Texas than boggin' yourself down with another bill.

Lonestars (a.k.a. Aquarius, January 21 – February 18):  Your friends will probably keep you hopping the first half of the month, which is likely to be a nice escape.  Watch those hangovers, though, 'cause it's also a good month to show what you're made of at work and earn a raise or promotion.  Comin' in late and all bleary-eyed ain't gonna do you one lick o' good, so confine the partying, or whatever else you choose to do, to the weekends.  If you've been eyeing some babe or hunk either at work or where you hang out with a mind toward getting lucky, think again, because it's likely to cause more trouble later than it's worth. 

Hurricanes (a.k.a. Pisces, February 19 – March 20): Using your imagination could bring you some fame and fortune this month, so spend some time giving it some thought.  You may get a hankering for a trip somewhere, further than the usual trip into town for beer or to the feedstore.  Be careful if you meet someone hot that you behave yourself, however, or it will bite you later, sure as God made little green apples.  You may think what happens in Lufkin stays in Lufkin, but chances are that ain't the case. 

Longhorns (a.k.a. Aries, March 21 – April 20): The urge to pack up with your buddies and take a nice, long hunting or fishing trip will be strong the first half of the month.  No reason you shouldn't, other than the fact it might put a significant dent in the budget.  That will undoubtedly cause a fight or two with your honey, though that's not likely to be the name you use at the time.  If you have to go out of town for work, behave yourself, no matter how mad you may be, or it's likely to cause some serious trouble later.  Try to hang out with people of your own sex Thanksgiving week.  This means the guys out in back tossing horseshoes and the gals in the kitchen doing what they do.  Trust me on that one. 

Tony Lamas (a.k.a. Taurus, April 21 – May 21):  The first half of the month is as good as any to buy an extra lotto ticket or two or three.  If you feel inspired to pull into a different convenience store to pick one up, or to play those special numbers that have something to do with your ex-girlfriends' cup sizes, go for it.  If you've been chomping at the bit to get to know someone better, you're likely to figure something out the first week.  Things on the job are likely to be tense, especially with members of the opposite sex, so you might want to avoid them as much as possible, rather than have to try and undo something stupid you said later.

Dust Devils (a.k.a. Gemini, May 22 – June 21): Your chances of meeting someone from another country, like Alabama or Tennessee, are pretty high.  You also have a good chance of getting some extra money from work, possibly from putting in some overtime, so maybe you'll be on the road and kill both birds with one stone.  Trouble at home is possible, especially if you have anything in your past that you've never 'fessed up to.  The battle of the sexes is going to be raging around Thanksgiving time anyway and more than likely it's going to cost you money somewhere along the line, either in an extra bottle or two of Jim Beam or flowers, depending on how badly you want to get laid again anytime soon.

Verandas (a.k.a. Cancer, June 22 – July 22):  Your ability to put something useful together from nothin' will be really cookin' this month, so if you're tangling with your honey, go do something creative or better yet, go play with the kids.  If you're single, you're likely to be interested in meeting someone new, which may not work out too well, depending on the timing.  If you're not careful, you could come on too strong and not make the kind of impression that will get you where you want to go, which is most likely between the sheets.  The guys and gals will be at odds, especially during Thanksgiving week, so you'd do much better to hang out with members of your own gender, if you know what I mean. 

Tycoons (a.k.a. Leo, July 23 – August 23): It's pretty likely you'll have a touch of romance in your life this month, especially if you make sure to bathe regular and brush your teeth.  There might be something about a new love interest that reminds you of a former lover, however, and if make the mistake of saying something about this, for example, "You smell a lot like my high school girlfriend, Carol Jo" you'll pay dearly for your stupidity.  This is most likely to happen during Thanksgiving week, probably while you're chewing the fat with your various relatives.  Your best bet that week is to hang out with members of your own gender, unless recreational fighting is your idea of a good time.

Cowpokes (a.k.a. Virgo, August 24 – September 22): You'll be bubbling with ideas for home projects this month, so put them to good use.  You may find yourself flashing back to when you were a kid from time to time, remembering weird stuff.  If you can figure out what it means, more power to you.  You'll probably be the brains behind some group activity, maybe planning a big bash for Thanksgiving.  Be warned, however, that members of the opposite sex are likely to be getting on each others nerves big-time that week, so hang out with your own gender if you want to keep the peace. 

Tumbleweeds (a.k.a. Libra, September 23 – October 23): You're likely to enjoy a flash or two of inspiration that you're sure can make you at least a million bucks.  If you play your cards right and connect with the right people, it could definitely bring you something good, maybe even cold, hard cash.  Pay attention to any ideas and do more than talk about them.  You may also have some interesting dreams that seem especially real.  If so, blame it on Pluto, not cheap tequila.

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