[Click on your Sign for an expanded version of this month's horoscope.]

ALERT, ALL SIGNS:  Clean the wax out of your ears and listen up.  Between May 26 - June 19 electronic and mechanical devices are going to be more prone than usual to go on the fritz, so plan accordingly.  Don't expect anything to work correctly or the first time.  Be especially diligent regarding maintenance issues to avoid exacerbating the situation.  Orders and all other communications are also more likely to be FUBAR'd, so make sure you're absolutely clear on what you're trying to say. 

Tanks (a.k.a. Taurus, April 21 – May 21):  Your chances for deployment are high this month.   You're in a fighting mood and anxious for some action.  Your beliefs are under review as you encounter various interesting experiences with your unit.  If you're on foreign soil, your understanding of the locals will increase greatly this month.  You'll observe and understand various practices at a deep level that will enhance your self-image and appreciation for who you are and why you're there.   Opportunities to achieve some of your hopes are out there, but screen any information carefully for accuracy.  Don't overlook the details required by your assignment or you might find your CO on your ass like a duck on a June bug.  Remember that close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

F-16 Fighting Falcons (a.k.a. Gemini, May 22 – June 21):  Your career or reputation could undergo a change this month that has a major effect on how you see the world.  Don't hesitate to take action to make this happen if an opportunity presents itself.  Remember that windows of opportunity can close at any time.  Thoughts of home will be strong and your understanding of things you may have taken for granted in the past will give you plenty of think about.  Don't be distracted from duty, however, and take extra care of your possessions this month, particularly your weapons.   Expect some crap within your barracks or wherever you lay your head at night, especially if you screw up and miss something important. 

Foxholes (a.k.a. Cancer, June 22 – July 22): Your relationship with some of the locals could result in something unexpected this month that will have a significant effect on your view of the world.  Rapport with your unit will be very strong this month.  You're building relationships now that will last a lifetime.   Monitor your conscious thoughts and opinions to avoid being too idealistic or you're likely to be disappointed.  Everyone acts like an asshole every now and then, including you.  Remember you can't expect perfection  if you can't offer it.  Good decisions come from experience and experience comes from bad decisions.

Carbines (a.k.a. Leo, July 23 – August 23):  Your assignment has been much more than you expected lately, and a few surprises are in store this month as well.  Stay alert and if you feel inspired, go for it, as it has the potential to be promotion material.  Pay attention to detail, particularly regarding any equipment in your charge.  Use your instincts and if you feel as if something might be wrong, investigate.  Your ability to find hidden information is strong this month.  Avoid arguing with your superiors, however, or all your good work could go down the crapper.  Someone you think you knew well may turn out to be entirely different than you expected, particularly under pressure.  This asshole could even be you, so stay sharp.

Drill Sergeants (a.k.a. Virgo, August 24 – September 22):  You already have a strong eye for detail so put that to work with your creativity and see what you come up with that relates to the local culture.  If you give it some thought, your understanding of the locals is likely to be so deep that it surprises even you.  If you're involved in a romantic relationship or would like to be, a surprise opportunity could arise this month.   Don't be too idealistic or critical, however, because if it's directed at one of your superiors it's likely to bite you in the ass.  In other words, if you receive two contradictory orders, obey them both.

Tracers (a.k.a. Libra, September 23 – October 23):  An unexpected opportunity related to your assignment may be out there, so pay attention to what's going on.  If you have friends in high places, see what they have to say.  Your view of home and what it really means is likely to undergo some major transformation this month.  If you've taken it for granted in the past, you won't any more.  This will result from observations regarding your surroundings, particularly if you're deployed.  The greater the contrast between where you are and where you'd like to be, the deeper these insights will be.   Keep career ambitions directed such that they don't step on any toes or piss anyone off. 

Submarines (a.k.a. Scorpio, October 24 – November 22):  Your scheming abilities are naturally strong, but this month they'll be exceptional.  If you're deployed in a warzone, put your ability to come up with a clever strategy to work.  This will earn you a lot of additional respect from your unit, open the way for some new close friends, and have a lasting effect on how you think and see yourself in the future.   Avoid being too idealistic in your expectations from others, however, or you may be perceived as an asshole.  This really doesn't matter that much unless one of those in that category happens to be your CO or, worse yet, some REMF.

Howitzers (a.k.a. Sagittarius, November 23 – December 21):  An opportunity to improve your living conditions is out there, whether you're living on-base, in a bunker, a foxhole, or off-base in a cushy place like Germany.  It's all relative and an improvement is an improvement, no matter how small, so keep your eyes open.  Put your imagination to work, not only on this, but also on ways to advance your career.  Expand upon your basic assignment by really thinking things through to a level of depth and detail you haven't explored before and see how you can ramp it up.  When you come up with something cool, be appropriately humble when you try to sell it to your superiors or you might encounter some unwanted resistance.   Done right, you could be on the road to a promotion.  Done wrong, you could be on the road to latrine duty.

M16s (a.k.a. Capricorn, December 22 – January 20): Innovate ideas should be a dime a dozen all month long, so put them to good use.  Make a conscious effort to absorb your surroundings in every conceivable detail and see what you can come up with when you throw in some creativity and relate it all to yourself and what you're becoming.  This may all sound pretty hokey, but in reality this is an outstanding time to reinvent yourself.  Your beliefs could create a complication of some sort relative to your assignment or the locals could get in the way, but by the end of the month you should have plenty of drive to get past it.  Meanwhile, never be first; never be last; and never volunteer for anything.

Buddies (a.k.a. Aquarius, January 21 – February 18):  Your imagination is in high gear, which could trigger some inspiration.  Put it to good use, perhaps such that it has a positive effect on your material possessions in some manner.   Home is where you lay your head at night, and there is something to be learned from every experience, no matter how unpleasant it may seem at the time.  Four-wheel drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places, but if you've felt that way for the past several months, it should start to lighten up.  Just remember that the important things are always simple and the simple are always hard.

Torpedoes (a.k.a. Pisces, February 19 – March 20): This month your chances are good for receiving a pleasant surprise of some description.  This could originate with your unit in some way or perhaps your circle of friends back home.  Of course you usually get the most of what you need the least, but the sentiment behind it is what really counts.  Your drive relative to your assignment should be in high gear and further enhanced by new insights regarding what you expect from others, including your unit collectively as well as those you relate to on a one-on-one basis.  If you're feeling picked on, remember that everyone has a different set of abilities and may not see things the same way you do.  It all boils down to if you don't care where you are, then you're not lost.

Grenades (a.k.a. Aries, March 21 – April 20):  Something new regarding your finances is on the way this month, but it may take some action on your part to make it happen.  If you're looking for ways to earn a promotion, turn on your creativity and think of ways to do your assignment slightly differently than it's been done before.  The devil's in the details, so get down to the micro level and see what you can find.  Remember, if it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.  Expect some resistance, at least at first, and make sure you don't piss off someone you need on your side, like your CO.  Don't trust anyone who hasn't earned it or believe everything they say, even if they wear the same uniform you do.   How many REMFs do you really trust?

Sign Descriptions