[Click on your Sign for an expanded version of this month's horoscope.]

Dust Devils (a.k.a. Gemini, May 22 – June 21):  You should be busting with good ideas this month, which will probably be stuff that you've been thinkin' on for a long time.  Somethin' may come out of the blue that changes how folks see y'all, either for whatever it is you're known for or possibly your ranking with your neighbors.  Ya'll may be givin' a lot of thought to what you believe in, other than believin' that y'all will have another beer.  Some big thoughts could come along inside your head that'll show you something you never knew or suspected before.  This will change your view on lots of things that will probably surprise even you.

Verandas (a.k.a. Cancer, June 22 – July 22):  Your imagination will be really crankin' this month, like an old '55 Chevy in the dead of winter.  You may even get this mistaken idea that you can afford something that you can't.  Y'all may be learnin' some hard lessons about some of the people in your life these days, though everything will eventually work out okay.  If you've done anything stupid lately, someone you thought was a friend might get the bright idea to take you to court, so watch out for process servers if they come knockin' at your door.  Watch your stuff, too, and keep it taken care of or it might crap out when you least expect it.

Tycoons (a.k.a. Leo, July 23 – August 23): Your buddies are likely to think your poop don't stink this month, so if you're needin' a favor, this is a good time to call it in.  This includes your job, so if you're needin' a raise, now is the time to ask for that, too.  Watch it askin' for favors from anyone close to you, however, because they are likely to tell you to go piss up a rope or some other equally unlikely feat.  If you're lookin' for a loan, expect trouble, same thing if someone comes askin' you for one.  Don't go there.  Trust me.

Cowpokes (a.k.a. Virgo, August 24 – September 22):  If you're still tryin' to decide what you wanna be when you grow up, this month you might be able to figure that one out.  It's a good time to get some things straightened out at home, too, whether it's some dirty little secret that needs fixin' or some repair you've been avoidin'.  Daydreamin' at work won't get it don and could cause some trouble, so don't let 'em see ya staring like a deer in the headlights.  If you're lookin' for some romance, it's out there, too.  Just remember to bathe regular, especially in the heat, if you wanna meet someone new.

Tumbleweeds (a.k.a. Libra, September 23 – October 23):  The first half o' the month is lookin' like a good time for a nice, long road trip, the more the merrier.  When you get back, you'll be thinkin' home is a lot more perfect than it really is.  Use your imagination to take care of whatever needs doin'.  If there's any politickin' goin' on at work, it could throw a stink bomb your way if you're not careful.  Fix-it projects at home should go well so if there's anything you've been puttin' off now's the time to git 'r' dun.

Oil Wells (a.k.a. Scorpio, October 24 – November 22):   If you put some extra effort into work it could pay off in a raise or promotion.  This could come from some bright idea that you come up with that makes everyone think you've got an IQ that's actually higher than your age.  Romancin' is lookin' good, too, so remember to use deodorant and bathe regular.  Just make sure you don't blow off those chores you need to get done at home and blame it on work, or that romancin' ain't goin' to be happenin'.

Stetsons (a.k.a. Sagittarius, November 23 – December 21):  Takin' a nice, long road trip with your honey is a good idea this month.  Just make sure the ol' truck is workin' right.  Somethin' could go wrong at home that will get your honey fired up if you don't get it taken care of fast enough.  If you have some special talent or thing you're known for, it could make you some money this month.  An argument over something you wanna buy is likely, so it's best to do your shoppin' alone to avoid a problem.  Stash it in the back of the closet long enough you can say honestly, "What, this ol' thing?"

Dualies (a.k.a. Capricorn, December 22 – January 20):  It's lookin' like a good time for a raise, if you really keep your mind on your work, but if you come up with some wild-ass idea, expect some trouble from your coworkers, who'll probably be jealous as hell.  That will make you a bit more serious than usual and you'll start to see a few things different than before.  While you're on a roll with good ideas, put 'em to work while you're feeling ambitious.  Your ability to stick to something and do it right is lookin' good, too.

Lonestars (a.k.a. Aquarius, January 21 – February 18):  A good month for romance, maybe with someone you already know, like from bowling or the local gun club.  Take a look around and see who looks better than they did before, though that could just mean you're gettin' desperate.  Keep looking, however, if they're just a wee bit little too friendly and hit you up for a loan before you get past "Hello."  Someone else close to you will be givin' you some crap, probably wanting to disturb your relaxin' and daydreamin' with something that smells too much like work.

Hurricanes (a.k.a. Pisces, February 19 – March 20):  Gettin' a few thing done around the house is lookin' good, but don't be surprised if something comes along that disrupts you before you get done.  You'll be feelin' ambitious and rarin' to go.  If you're lookin' to advance yourself in some way, talk to the people you already know to see what they can do to help.  This includes people you know good and those you just know.  If they have any dirty little secrets it might help your case.  Remember, it's not what you know but who you know. 

Longhorns (a.k.a. Aries, March 21 – April 20):  Y'all will be more creative than usual, so put it to good use.  Just watch out for too much imagination that puts it outside reality.  Anybody you're workin' with will probably give you some crap, anyway, so make sure it'll work before you start braggin' on it.  Think 'bout all the little details and stuff you know from experience that others don't.  If y'all do it right, it'll work, but if you don't it'll have about as much charm as an outhouse on a hot, August day.

Tony Lamas (a.k.a. Taurus, April 21 – May 21):   If there's work to be done around the house, now's the time to git 'r' dun.  Plannin' your vacation is another good idea, 'specially if you're planning to go over fifty miles or so.  Weird stuff may be goin' on at work that keeps you from home, so use your time wisely, not sittin' around all night with a six-pack.  If you have any old bills out there you shoulda paid but didn't, expect a call to pay up.

Sign Descriptions